ROASTED™

by Rachel.Lannyy

I’m going to tell you about yourself.
And you might not like it.

This is a roast-style reading designed to call out patterns, habits, and behaviors you’ve been getting away with.

Until now.

You give me a situation.

I use dowsing rods, tarot, and a concerning amount of accuracy to figure out what’s actually going on…

…and then I say it out loud.

With love.

But also with evidence.

This is not a full reading.
This is not a gentle experience.

This is a Roasty Toasty™ read.

What You Receive

• ✦ A roast-style written reading (PDF)
• ✦ Honest observations you can’t unsee
• ✦ Light intuitive insight (just enough to make it sting properly)
• ✦ Delivered via email

How It Works

1. Purchase your reading.
2. Submit a short description of the situation (or person 👀).
3. I take it from there.

🗓️ Readings are completed every Tuesday and delivered via email as a PDF.

Best For

• ✦ Patterns that keep repeating
• ✦ Situations that “don’t make sense” (they do)
• ✦ Friends who need to be called out
• ✦ People who say “be honest with me” and mean it

Also Perfect As a Gift

Know someone who needs to be called out… but you’d rather outsource it?

This is for them.

• ✦ Your best friend who keeps going back to the same 🚩 with a new name
• ✦ Your sibling who thinks they’re the main character in every crisis
• ✦ Your coworker who says “I don’t do drama” (they do)
• ✦ Your friend who asks for advice… and then ignores it every time
• ✦ That one person in the group chat everyone is tired of explaining things to
• ✦ The “I’m just going with the flow” friend (the flow is chaos)

Give the gift of clarity.
Delivered with just enough emotional damage to be memorable.

Tone Disclaimer

This reading is direct, sarcastic, and intentionally unfiltered.

If you’re looking for something soft, validating, or gently worded…

this is not that.

What You Submit

A short description.

Not a novel. Not a life story.

Just enough for me to understand what I’m walking into.

👉 If you already feel called out reading this… imagine the PDF.

This is a digital, written reading intended for entertainment, reflection, and personal insight.